Wound Opens, Reveal This Broken Man

[terça-feira, agosto 18, 2009]

smashing thoughts...

These have been strange days...

My boss went on vacations for three weeks and put his (professional) faith and trust in me. I was left alone to do something that we've always done together, as a team. What a responsabilty, what a test! I don't like to fail, specially when others are expecting that i succeed.

It was a good week, I tried my best and concentrated in my work. I believe I pulled it off. I did it! I succeeded! Proud proud proud proud proud... Of me. Fuck the rest!
Then, the next days were (have been) very quiet and I've managed to deal with them. A lot of bumps, a lot of fights, a lot of "fuck you"'s... And I am still right here! Yes, I am still right here. Nothing could touch me. I know who I am. REBORN! Never forget. Karl!

A few weeks ago, I talked to you about Re-birth... My own re-Birth... And this is what I'm talking about. I JUST WANT TO BE ME... WHEN I CAN, I WILL! And I am trying hard...

I showed you I've forgiven you and I'll always hope to be forgiven... I fucking deserve it... The bad stuff you know... But hey... I'm a just a boy. Fucked up boy. Ian Curtis, Joel, Batman... Me!

The days are passing by and life is too short. I miss you. I send a heart to all my dearies.... I miss you. Really. And I am sorry. I really am.

Week... Another week... What a waste?? Maybe not... I am trying! Intense shit. Such intense shit. I bite my own arms, my vampire bat smiles, my blood feels alive. I am one! You're my number one. Should I give a fuck? I need to drive you into the night of my heart. Even bats can smile and laugh.

Bodies! Ironies of peace. I miss you but I don't need you. All I need is Love... La la la la.... True love. Real love... Is it me you're after?

Oh the wine, oh the promises, oh the fears and dreams... I must not fear dreaming. Dreaming is free! 23! 33?! I pull my collar up and face the cold... On my own! I am still right here. I'm here. Please take me home... Starla dear....

What a fucked up post! Lots of mixed things, confusing things but hey! Life is simple. We just enjoy fucking it up. I will not waste my time explaining! Really, fucktards! I have more important things to do. Please respect me, please love me... But love the person I am, love my confusion, love my sincerity, love my hate, love my needs, love my peace of mind, love me. I need love. And I love you all.

At the end of the day... Work is behind me, my home awaits, and I hope to have someone waiting for me when I open the door... Well, maybe next time. For now, intensity is the word. Enjoying, taking what I can, experience it, experience you, experiencing myself. try try try. come on. try to hold on to this heart a little bit longer...

por KaRL * 8/18/2009 09:52:00 da manhã
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