Wound Opens, Reveal This Broken Man

[segunda-feira, novembro 30, 2009]

I miss my hands on your face...

One, two, three, four -
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun don'-go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun don'-go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize...

por KaRL * 11/30/2009 08:24:00 da tarde
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[domingo, novembro 29, 2009]

tonight...

and also.... THIS!!!!!!!!!!

After what happened to me (I got physically hurt last weekend; I might explain it later), I hope I don't get hurt this time. I cannot die now :)

por KaRL * 11/29/2009 10:45:00 da manhã
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[quinta-feira, novembro 26, 2009]

I miss... #1

hmmmmmmmmmm..

por KaRL * 11/26/2009 07:16:00 da tarde
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[terça-feira, novembro 24, 2009]

I hope you had the time of your life...

por KaRL * 11/24/2009 11:09:00 da manhã
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[domingo, novembro 15, 2009]

6 hours...

I don't know what to feel...

Only one week before my trip, my world got upside down and I heard things I never thought I would hear.

After 15 weeks, I was taken by surprise. Maybe I was a fool, maybe too naive, maybe too stupid... but I am aware that I dreamt too high and raised my expectations. I did it for her, I did all this for her. A million sacrifices. All for her. But... I was the one that created this dream, the final decision to dream was always mine and I should not be ashamed to have dreamt the most beautiful dream of my life.

Fuck, It was just a dream that will never come true but... I HAD THIS DREAM! And the whole time I was dreaming it, I felt the luckiest guy in the whole world. For 15 weeks, she made me the happiest man alive! Why should I be ashamed? Why should I be angry? Why should I regret my mistakes on this subject?

I am not ashamed to dream and I will never be ashamed to have loved so fucking much! Yeah, sometimes I'm an impulsive scary guy but... if you really know me, you should know it better. I love with passion, with intensity, in good and bad moments! I am sorry if she didn't see that and used the complexity of my personality as a poor excuse.

I helped her a lot too, I was always here/there for her but I don't feel used. We shared a dream, we were a pair of foolish teenagers. I guess one of us had to wake up and grow up from our dream. She did it. I did not!

Some people think I'm a fool but there is someone that said something very nice to me. She said: "well, at least for 4 months you loved and you felt loved... I didn't".
So, why should I be the unlucky one? I am not!

I am lucky that I met her. I feel blessed to see her again and tell her face to face how much she meant to me. I forgive her. Sometimes it will look like that I am really angry and that I hate her but... she knows I always keep my promises. So, right here and right now, I promise that whatever happens I will always forgive her and keep her special place in my heart in case she wants to come back to visit it or maybe move in it forever.

She helped me living a dream and it was not a normal pretty dream. It was the most intense, passionate, loveable, romantic, wild, crazy, complicated, honest, sweet, beautiful dream... So I thank her because she made me dream this way! She gave me wings and she made me fly so fucking high that I became a star that will always be in the sky taking care of her.

Thank you.

por KaRL * 11/15/2009 07:27:00 da manhã
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7 hours...

Ok, I must wake up in 1 or 2 minutes :)

So... maybe this is the word that made us fall in love with each other... the word, the song, the band, I don't know... I just think this will look great as my last video here... PIGGY!

The end is also the beginning...

Szeretlek! Para sempre!

por KaRL * 11/15/2009 06:19:00 da manhã
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8 hours...

"The mystery of Love is greater than the mystery of Death"

Oscar Wilde

And for the first time
I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound.

In my time
I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever now!

Complete Lyrics Here!

por KaRL * 11/15/2009 05:43:00 da manhã
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9 hours

I love it when a certain song really expresses what I feel. It saves me a lot of trouble to try and find the right words. So these are the words I want to express right now!

This is all I want from you:

The beautiful (complete) Lyrics are HERE [click]

Hmmmm is it too much to ask you? ;)

por KaRL * 11/15/2009 04:33:00 da manhã
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10 hours...

That pencil smell,reminds me of school.
The clock on the wall I can no longer fool.

Time to get in my car. Been so dull, tired and tight.
Time to trust these old tires. Time to not say goodnight.

Jesus rides with me. His will is plain to feel.
Come on, you can be. Got yourself to steal.

He's everywhere, sends me straight across the plain.
He's in your hair, he'll forgive me my pain.

You're my girl, don't you show it. To know you know is to know it.
When you can't trust yourself, baby, trust someone else.

Jesus rides with me. His will is plain to feel.
Come on, you can be. Got yourself to steal.

You're my girl, don't you show it. To know you know is to know it.
When you can't trust yourself, baby, trust someone else.

Ride with me. Ride with me. Ride with me...

por KaRL * 11/15/2009 03:17:00 da manhã
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[sábado, novembro 14, 2009]

1...

this is too unreal right now... here is another song you should know:

I'm in love with you
And it's crushing my heart
All I want is you
To take me into your arms

When love and death embrace

I love you
And you're crushing my heart
I need you
Please take me into your arms

When love and death embrace...

These lyrics are enough to express what I feel... so please... let's just enjoy the little time we have. Life is fucking short and everything happens for a reason! Don't forget. Never forget... KaRL!

So take me into your arms... Fuck. Your arms are my love and my death... I cannot even imagine how it will be like when we hold each other... Right now I just hope that dream will become true and that I will feel your cold white hands around me and you will feel my warm arms around you... Let's get lost and drunk with love and faith.

por KaRL * 11/14/2009 10:14:00 da manhã
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[sexta-feira, novembro 13, 2009]

May I have this dance?

would you trade me for more of yourself.
when it's silent?
try not to give too much.so you won't grow tired.

and i knew you. the good and the bad.
the days i recall being wonderful.
and i lost you. because i held it back.
please tell me that everything will work out fine.

pictures taken fast. the proof that i've known you.
in albums stuck to bleach. but memories they'll keep.

if this is the last dance... then may i have it?

---------------------------
---------------------------

Really, if this is really the last dance... Can I have it, my queen?

and... please tell me that everything will work out fine :(

por KaRL * 11/13/2009 04:41:00 da tarde
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"everything will be ok" she said...

and I have to believe it :)

Wake up my love
Today I heard some bad news
Just what are we all supposed to do?
I won't let them get to you

I don't want to go out on my own anymore
I cant face the night like I used to before

Take my well worn hand
Let's lock ourselves away
We'll never, ever step outside
We'll curl up in a ball and hide

I don't want to go out on my own anymore
I cant face the night like I used to before

I don't want to go out on my own anymore
I cant face the night like I used to before
I'm so sorry for the things that they've done
I'm so sorry about what we've all become

por KaRL * 11/13/2009 04:55:00 da manhã
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1 + 1 = 2...

Fuck! this started around 60! And now... only 2!

So much happened during this time but I feel everything started just a few days ago. Looking back I see that time flew but at the present moment, I feel the hours go by so slowly. Ironic, I know!

After all this time, what is left to say? I've given my best, there is nothing else to say in here, nothing else to do in here... I am almost on my way! Can you believe this? Is this real? Are you real? Are you really really really real? I must see it for myself.

After all we've been put through, I must confess that I am anxious and nervous and afraid of the future. I know what I want, everyone knows it! But I cannot get it alone; I need some help with this.

Never forget and never let go... KaRL.

Just believe it and I shall sing for you everynight in bed... touching your hair, kissing your face, protecting you and making you the happiest woman on Earth. Believe. Be brave and believe!

I could not leave without a song so... Here it is! Feel it and feel me...

por KaRL * 11/13/2009 02:37:00 da manhã
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[quinta-feira, novembro 12, 2009]

All I ever wanted was you, my love...

The story of a vampire that falls in love with an human...

Anyway, I prefer this song right now; you don't know it so I hope you like it:

On my heart I'll bear the shame
No prayer can ease the pain
No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

And there's no escape
Just countless mistakes
No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

It will never be the same
Witness trust fade away
No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

Love you like I do...

por KaRL * 11/12/2009 07:24:00 da tarde
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pleasure...

15 weeks and 6 days ago, I was in Budapest watching these guys concert at SYMA (the video shows the first 10 minutes of that concert).
fuck, what a wonderful memory! and maybe this concert even helped me to change my life! Destiny is ALWAYS working... it will not rest until it finishes the job!

-----------------------------------

“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.”
author: Douglas Adams

“I can't control my destiny, I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today.”
author: Johnathan Larson

“As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life”
author: Napoleon Bonaparte

por KaRL * 11/12/2009 02:12:00 da tarde
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3...

1, 2, 3... waiting...

EDIT: I had written a very big text here but I deleted it because... It was too long and I'm still waiting...

Julie Delpy - An Ocean Apart

Now we are together, sitting outside in the sunshine
But soon we'll be apart and soon it'll be night at noon
Now things are fine, the clouds are far away up in the sky
But soon I'll be on a plane and soon you'll feel the cold rain

You promised to stay in touch when we're apart
You promised before i left that you'll always love me.
Time goes by, people cry, everything goes too fast.
Now we have each other enjoying each moment with one another
But soon I'll be miles away and soon the phone will be our only way

You promised we'll never break up over the telephone
You said our love was stronger than an ocean apart
Time goes by and people lie, everything goes too fast.

Let's not fool ourselves in vain, this far away trip will give us pain
We'll have to be so strong to keep our love from going wrong
Distance will make us cold, even put our love on hold
But soon we'll meet again and soon it'll be bright at noon again

You promised not to lose faith in our love when I'm away
You promised so much to me but now you've left me
We go by and then we lie all this time we wasted
Time goes by, people lie everything goes too fast.

Time went by, and then we died, everything went too fast.

PS: After another football game, my body got hurt and it got so tired that I managed to sleep around 20 minutes. Not bad! No one should worry about me: remember I'm a fucking vampire!
My sacrifice will give me peace soon. I pray for it. If God doesn't listen to me, I will kidnap all the angels until He listens!
Sleeping or awake, you are always on my mind. I believe in you... so, just be brave and believe in yourself! It's not too late. Follow the dream, the honest and pure dream of love! Close your eyes, imagine yourself with the person you love... who do you see? who do you REALLY see? Tired eyes and a childish smile: the perfect future that Destiny is trying to give you but you are not accepting...

por KaRL * 11/12/2009 05:02:00 da manhã
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[quarta-feira, novembro 11, 2009]

4.. ever..

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul" [Psalm 143:8; the Bible]

Threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back,
A name in your recollection down among the millions there:
Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed,
And passed over
But I look right through see you naked but oblivious...
But you don't see me
But I threw you the obvious just to see if
There was more behind
The eyes of a fallen angel eyes of a tragedy

Here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded
But I see, see through it all
See through
See you
Cause I threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind
The eyes of a fallen angel eyes of a tragedy oh well

Oh well apparently nothing apparently
Nothing at all
You don't see me
You don't see me at all

PS: It's your turn to come after me, to chase me, to search for me, to find me... I will be waiting... now it is my time to wait... and hope.. with open arms! You know where to find me... because... I AM THE KING!

por KaRL * 11/11/2009 04:29:00 da manhã
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[terça-feira, novembro 10, 2009]

my ultimate proof of love...

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame.

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me.

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe...

por KaRL * 11/10/2009 03:46:00 da tarde
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5...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don't lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way." [Proverbs 3:5, 6]

Last night, I dreamt about you...

I think it was the "closest to reality" dream that I had related to you.

All I can remember right now is you... sitting on a chair, waiting for your turn at a male hairdresser (in the dream, as soon as I saw the male hairdresser, I thought "maybe she is around"; and you were!).

You didn't see me so I came close to you. I did not hug you from behind but I got my lips close to your hair and I said "hey pig!". Then, as you were turning around to look at me... I woke up. I don't know if our eyes met each other or not. But I'm pretty sure they will very soon. But I don't know...

It was raining a lot in the dream and I saw myself at a house that looked like my parent's house but... it was not. It was your flat. Not the real one but... a nice one with a greatttttt view! I remember thinking "fuck! the view from my house is shit compared with this one. damn!"

It was raining... here is also raining and I am at my parents' house!

por KaRL * 11/10/2009 10:55:00 da manhã
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[segunda-feira, novembro 09, 2009]

6...

“Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

from the...

BIBLE!

you know me...

"Do you really think you can just put it in a safe behind a painting, lock it up and leave?"
The National - Start a War :)

SIX!

por KaRL * 11/09/2009 11:59:00 da tarde
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[domingo, novembro 08, 2009]

SE7EN...

one more week... this feels so fucking crazy!!!

I still remember when this countdown started at 60! now... only 7... one more week to finally get my peace of mind.

YES, MY FRIENDS... VACATIONS!!! This warrior needs to rest... This movie is on tv right now so... now I look at this movie with different eyes so... Here is something sweet for all of you out there. The ones who know how to love... the ones searching for true love... the ones that love me... the ones I will always love... This one is for all of you. You all know who you are and if you don't know... open your fucking eyes!

There's wind that blows in from the north.
And it says that loving takes this course.
Come here. Come here.

No I'm not impossible to touch
I have never wanted you so much.
Come here. Come here.

Have I never laid down by your side.
Baby, let's forget about this pride.
Come here. Come here.

Well I'm in no hurry. Don't have to run away this time.
I know you're timid.
But it's gonna be all right this time.

por KaRL * 11/08/2009 11:32:00 da manhã
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[sábado, novembro 07, 2009]

7+1 = 8...

Eight...

I wish I was not alone today but... I think I will be.
No one will forget me but it's sad that no one remembers me on a day like today...

Today I went to sell some stuff to the Flea Market (Feira da Ladra).
Hmmm I was there a little bit over 2 hours because the inspectors came and sent me away (I don't have a license). But I managed to sell really shitty stuff and got 12 euros. Not bad. It was my first time and I was only there for 2 hours with shitty stuff. All I had to do was to wake up early, around 07:00. Uff...

This was my first time there but it will not be the last one. I wanna go back in a few weeks! Who wants to join me?

I am sleepy but since I think I will be alone... I might as well sleep and forget...

Cheers!

por KaRL * 11/07/2009 01:15:00 da tarde
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[sexta-feira, novembro 06, 2009]

09...

post #444!

well... This song makes me feel HOPE... and more than ever, I hope that everything will be ok... So I dedicate this song to your smile, which is the thing that gives me more hope... I believe! I have faith... everytime I make you smile...

'I think it's dark and it looks like rain'
You said
'And the wind is blowing like it's the end of the world'
You said
'And it's so cold
It's like the cold if you were dead'
And then you smiled
For a second

'I think I'm old and I'm feeling pain'
You said
'And it's all running out like it's the end of the world'
You said
'And it's so cold it's like the cold if you were dead'
And then you smiled
For a second

Sometimes you make me feel
Like I'm living at the edge of the world
Like I'm living at the edge of the world
'It's just the way I smile'
You said

por KaRL * 11/06/2009 04:16:00 da manhã
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[quinta-feira, novembro 05, 2009]

10...

So, this is the final countdown... only ten more days to... decide my future...

Should I be nervous? Maybe... but I really know what I want and I will try my best to get it! If I fail... at least I've fucking tried. But... I will not fail. I cannot fail... I reallly need this.... AHHHHH :)

Ok, here is a song to calm down!

;) TEN more DAYS... one monthly report... 7 working days... 3 non-working days... one eternity!

por KaRL * 11/05/2009 09:45:00 da manhã
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[quarta-feira, novembro 04, 2009]

18... Enough is enough.
17... Welcome back.
16... I missed you... and you... and you...
15... Winter is almost here.
14... I know where I'm going now.
13... You make me real.
12... I'm sorry.
11... Hard working week ahead... I LOVE IT!

por KaRL * 11/04/2009 12:07:00 da tarde
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